Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
