Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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