I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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