remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
