I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
