please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
