You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can text with my tongue
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
