I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
