i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
