but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
