You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
