Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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