just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
