I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
