I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
