I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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