just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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