Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
