I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
