What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
