and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
