She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
