Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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