The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
