Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
