xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
