like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
