I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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