Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
