I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
