If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you would pick up someone in the library
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
