You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
