I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
