dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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