So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
