Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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