so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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