I just threw up on my dentist
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
