I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Duck Duck Cougar?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
