dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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