My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
