sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
