eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
