I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
