took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
