dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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