she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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