I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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