ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
