hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
